Being Honest With Yourself

I remember when I was drinking a lot years ago how I told myself lies all the time so I wouldn't feel guilty about drinking too much. I would say things like "you know you're going to quit soon" or "when you quit your friends and family will come around again." It just helped me to feel ok about continuing drinking so much.

Looking back now I was too afraid to face the truth. Drinking allowed me to not face myself or the truth. Had I been bold enough to see the truth I wouldn't have been drinking so much I believe. What was the truth? The truth was I didn't know what direction I wanted to go in my life. I didn't like college all that much and I thought if I didn't go to college I'd become a failure. I didn't have the kind of relationships I thought I deserved. I didn't like my body. My brother had been killed in a car accident and it was too much for me to handle.

So instead of looking at truth I escaped with alcohol. The thing is I didn't escape any of the thoughts and feelings I ultimately went through. I just prolonged them by drinking.