Sunday, June 14, 2009

Memory of My Fat Days

The supervisor in my office brought in donuts last week. She rarely brings in junk food and is good shape herself, but she just said that she felt like a donut that day and brought donuts in for everyone.

I didn't take one, but when I took my break I was feeling really hungry. I went in the breakroom and could smell the sweet smell of glazed donuts. A very vivid memory came back to me. When I was a young teenager my girlfriend and I would be dropped off downtown to "shop." But we were both heavy and all we ever "shopped" for were donuts and candy.

I remember a small donut shop downtown that Sandy and I would get so excited going to. We'd walk in, smell the donut smell then look at all of the donuts available to us. We each pick 3 or 4 donuts---2 to eat there and 1 or 2 to take home. I remember they put the donuts we were to take home in a small white bag.

The thoughts I had at the time were ecstasy on the one hand---I was elated thinking of eating the donuts. But I also felt terrible about myself because I thought at the time I had no self control and that was a terrifying feeling. And the thing is---back then---I really thought I had no control. So I was elated while eating the donuts, but then after we were done the high was immediately gone. Next, we had to figure out the next eating stop.

Back to the breakroom....I was hungry and thought about having maybe a half donut. Then I quickly remembered WHY I don't eat sugar anymore. Because I DON'T FEEL GOOD AFTERWARDS!

I finished my break and had a Larabar (natural organic bar). That hit the spot more than a donut ever could.


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