Feeling Weighed Down

When I was 210 pounds I would lie in bed and think what an effort it was going to be to get up out of bed. I was carrying about 80 extra pounds at the time and if you think about it, it's like dragging around 10 newborns all the time! Since it's been so long since I was overweight I can't remember that much about my thoughts at that time. I just remember that I felt hatred towards myself and I felt like a glutton. I was embarassed of what people were most likely thinking of the way I looked. I was shy back then too.

So what did I do? I ate more....and more....which added to my feeling hatred for myself. But since I didn't have a good image of myself it was easy to eat and hate myself and hate my body. Catch-22 isn't it? I hate myself, I eat, I get fat.

That was a depressing way to live...